CHICAGO- Tom Ricketts and family kicked off the 25th Annual Chicago Cubs Convention by throwing out the first pitches 
during the opening ceremonies. The fans packed into the Grand Ballroom cheered when the Ricketts family were first introduced. The ball that Tom Ricketts threw actually almost hit Ronnie Woo-Woo in the head. Ronnie later commented “Ball Woo! Almost Woo! Hit Me Upside My Head Woo!” This set the tone for what would be a wild 25th anniversary.
That was the first of many incidents that caught my eye during this Convention. The second was an awkward exchange between Cubs legend, Greg Maddux, and General Manager, Jim Hendry. Maddux took to the podium but his elation for his new job did not last long. “I am thrilled to be named Assistant General Manger for this great franchise,” Maddux remarked as Hendry and Ricketts then bellowed, “It’s actually Assistant TO the General Manager” in unison… followed by a ferocious high five. Maddux then added, “Are you serious!? How many Cy Young’s have you guys won, ya bums? Michael Scott could run a better organization.”
When Hendry was later asked what duties Maddux would provide to the ballclub in his new role, Hendry replied: “The public perception of me has gone into the shitter the last few years so he (Maddux) is mainly a wingman for me when I go out in public. I find that Cubs fans love Maddux more than they hate me, so you know I’ll be a little safer. O and also he’ll be picking up my dry cleaning.”
After taking in his first Cub Convention, off-season acquisition Marlon Byrd only had this to say, “These fans are downright crazy! I’ve seen more rational thinking at a Scientology Convention, don’t they not know that even on paper we suck? This won’t end well.”
In other convention news, Catcher Geovany Soto showed up 40 pounds lighter begging the question, has a strain of marijuana been invented that does not induce the munchies?
The answers to these and many more questions will be answered on the only place for a true Chicagoan’s perspective on Chicago sports… TheAverageChicagoan.com.
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