To the now Infamous “Beer Tosser,”
I just want to thank you, whoever it was that tossed the beer on Victorino! I mean it wasn’t bad enough that we were getting stomped on 12-2 but then you had to go ahead and make us look even worse. And I truly say “us” at this point because the Cubs organization had nothing to do with it. This directly affects the Cubs fan base and how we are viewed by the rest of the world. I mean forget the hundreds of thousands of us Cubs fans who go to games to actually enjoy the game and not just get drunk, it won’t matter because we will forever have to hear about this one DOUCHE bag who decided that he wanted to waste an entire beer.
And it’s not like we as Cubs fans have a whole lot going for us. We can’t argue past World Series wins, we can’t debate our performance for this season, and now we can’t even espouse Cubs fans as a whole. I can’t tell you how many times I have argued our supremacy to Sox fans, but now all we really have left to cherish is Wrigley itself, may it last forever!
The only hope I have left is that the Chicago Police Department find him and it turns out he was actually a Sox fan in disguise! But that is highly unlikely. Instead I’m sure he was just some drunken moron who didn’t think beyond a simple move of his hand. And to all of those people who might be saying that charging him with Assault is a little excessive I would say FUCK that. He deserves that and possibly the worst punishment someone could ever experience…A lifetime ban from the greatest place in the world. God just thinking about it gives me the chills.
All-in-all I say that if you aren’t a professional athlete STAY THE FUCK OFF THE FIELD. And to whoever did this I hope that you enjoy your 15 seconds of fame and now you can take your place in the annals of Cubs fans right next to Steve Bartman. And if you never are caught I hope on your next visit to Wrigley a piece of cement comes and knocks you in the back of the head!
Sincerely,
Your Average Cubs Fan
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