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1. Hey! Douchebag! Yeah, you… the person who coughs in their hand and later shakes the hands of others. The one who leaves a mountain of used Kleenexes around them instead of in the garbage, where they belong. The person who neither covers their nose or mouth when coughing and sneezing. Yeah you. I don’t want to catch your H1N1 or get familiar with your damn mucus & germs! PRACTICE FREAKIN’ HYGIENE, FOLKS! It’s flu season! . |
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| 2. Thanks to President Obama’s new federal guidelines on medical marijuana, “It will not be a priority to use federal resources to prosecute patients with serious illnesses or their caregivers who are complying with state laws on medical marijuana.” Medicinal marijuana users can now freely smoke without fear of federal prosecution. This is good news for Snoop Dogg, Willie Nelson, Tommy Chong, and Geovany Soto; medicinal users due to aliments such as Chronic Pain, Arthritis, and Migraines. Wait! Geovany Soto!? Oh that’s why…
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| 3. Thanksgiving is this month, and the Holiday shopping season begins the following day. Good luck to the people who wait in line as early as 2 in the morning only to find when doors finally open at BestBuy, on Black Friday, that you’ve wasted your time and that the only deals left are for VCRs, Toasters, and Microsoft Zunes.
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| 4. Well, it seems the family behind the runaway balloon boy hoax is in it deep with the parents looking prison-bound. So let that be a lesson to you folks, not only does Reality TV corrupt but it also destroys lives. Don’t believe me? See: Hogan Knows Best. Jon & Kate Plus 8. Octomom. The Bachelor. Cheaters. Joe Millionaire. The Real World. Etc.
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| 5. Speaking of reality, what a horrible reality that our beloved former governor Rod Blagojevich lives in. He worked his way through law school into becoming a prosecutor, then to state congressman, and eventually to becoming Illinois’ 40th governor. Now after his humiliating removal from office, he moved from fighting for his political career to fighting the courts to let him work his way into becoming Donald Trump’s apprentice on NBC’s reality TV show: The Apprentice.
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| 6. When a guy gets caught staring at an attractive lady, they’re labeled a perv or a bad boyfriend; if in a relationship. Well ladies, you should be ever so flattered that a guy is so enthralled by your beauty that he can’t take a quick look but rather, sometimes a bit too long, gaze at you. As a matter of fact, you should smile women and thank the men whom you catch leering, for they inflate your ego.
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| 7. Hey! Retards! Yup that’s me talking sh*t behind you. Get the hell out of my way! When you’re on the sidewalk with 2 or more of your friends that does not give you free range to dominate the sidewalk in what some would call a human wall. You know, 3 or even 4 people side-by-side walking on the 2-way sidewalk obstructing the path of much fast pedestrian behind or walking past on the same sidewalk. Here’s a tip retards, excuse my language mentally challenged folks out there, but if you wish to walk side-by-side, you might as well hold hands and sing the Wizard of Oz song while doing so on a street like Halsted. Because you block the flow of sidewalk traffic, force people into the streets and unpaved areas, and piss me off. Next time, I’m going through you all.
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| 8. Rihanna and Chris Brown are both releasing new music albums this winter after their split due to domestic violence. I wonder who will sell more. Maybe Rihanna will beat Chris this time around. Too soon? |
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| 9. I have officially had my fill of the Vampire fad that has swept 2008-2009. Trueblood? Okay, from what I hear it’s a good show and it’s on HBO which has a good TV programming track record. But Twilight? Vampire Diaries? Robert Pattinson? Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assist… NO! NO! NO! ENOUGH ALREADY! Maybe strippers (female of course) can be the new fad in 2010. That’d be something I can get on board with.
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| 10. 7-1. Twice retired. 40yrs old. 4-time MVP?… All of this makes me sick! |
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