| 1. This past weekend, a string of strong-armed robberies have been committed in the Lincoln Park neighborhood of Chicago. Police have since stepped up patrol leaving many on the south & west side of town to wonder if all it takes is a couple of white people getting robbed & beaten for the cops to increase watch. |  |
| 2. Give Michael Vick a chance. He served his time and is now trying to make amends & stage a comeback. Sign him! BTW – At least he didn’t kill an actual person like the Cleveland Brown’s Donté Stallworth (suspended indefinitely). |  |
| 3. So according to recent scientific research, the International Agency for Research on Cancer added tanning beds to its list of the highest risk cancer producing factors. So if you don’t like this douchebag to the right… Don’t worry, he’ll be dead soon. |  |
| 4. Governor Pat Quinn is at it again! He was denied his new proposed Illinois state tax increase so instead he had to make some cuts. Sorry to the 2,600 state employees whom he has fired. Also, I’m sorry to the Illinois college students who will lose out on $225 million in scholarships. Blagojevich, corruption and all, is starting to look good again. |  |
| 5. Within recent weeks, the company behind much beloved Croc shoes have stated that the recession has put the shoemaker is financial peril. After hearing this, I am ecstatic to finally see the near end of one ugliest pair of shoes ever made. Look at this guy! |  |
| 6. I wonder what the media would say if Obama’s alcoholic beverage of choice during his recent “beer summit” would have been a Colt 45 or King Cobra 40oz.? They definitely wouldn’t question his blackness anymore. |  |
| 7. Twitter is the stupidest social network by far. It’s like a facebook status update with random friends and people (A.K.A. stalkers) following you every update. BTW – You can now find theaveragechicagoan.com on Twitter! |  |
| 8. I’m really NOT tired of all the Michael Jackson news stories. It gets better each week. First the death, the funeral, the suspects, the cause of death, home videos, testimonies, & kids. I’m sure some crazy sh*t will surface soon like the hyperbaric oxygen chamber, or he did really have the Elephant Man’s bones, and etc. CAN’T WAIT! |  |
| 9. Back on social networking, where is MySpace at? Haven’t heard a thing about it in a while. Good! MySpace was becoming too capitalistic & less socially fun. Also, there are quite a few hackers hijackin’ your profiles. Good riddance I say. |  |
| 10. Damn right Favre! You stay put in your retirement rocking chair. Vikings will move on now that you’ve decided not to stage another comeback. And Bears fans won’t have to worry about unexpected accidents befalling their underwear if you actually were to comeback. |  |
If you have a serious and/or funny rant you’d like to see in the next volume of ’10 Random Rants,’ e-mail them to rmaster25@gmail.com, and I’ll credit you. If you disagree or have any comments, please write ‘em! -JRJP
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