10 People You See on the CTA

Hi, my name is Jonathan, and I ride the CTA.

I ride it at least 10 times a week–to and from work, and occasionally late night. And let me tell you, I’ve ran across many different types of people that also rock Chicago transit. Some people are like you and me–you know, average Chicagoans. But I’ve also encountered some other gems that ride the CTA–the not-so-Average Chicagoans. This list profiles those that make up the latter.

1. The commuter

You readily recognize this person but pay little attention to them. Mostly because they pay little attention to you. Easily recognizable, this person rocks the headphones in their ears, reading the Red Eye or some book–it doesn’t matter what they’re doing–they’re avoiding eye contact with the people that make up this list.

2. The End-to-Ender

This guy. He’s going nowhere fast–figuratively and literally. This is the homeless guy you see sitting on the bus or train, head down in his lap, riding the the line from end to end. He mostly minds his own business–when he’s not asking for change or selling batteries. Too bad he reeks of stale piss and cheap beer so no one in their right mind can sit anywhere near him. If you ever come across the End-to-Ender on the train, you won’t hang with him for long–his stank will force you to switch cars.

3. The Premature Evacuator

If you’ve ridden on a CTA bus, then you’ve seen this person. This is the person who tries to jump the gun and open the back door either before the bus is fully stopped, or in between bus stops. The alarm rings, everyone looks back to see the jerk who is making their commute even longer, and the driver has to shut the bus off to make the alarm stop. Why can’t this guy just wait until it’s his turn to get off?

4. The Late Exiter
Same penalties apply for this guy as the Premature Evacuator. Alarms, dirty looks, and a pissed off driver. This is the guy who waits too long to open the door–well after the green light above the door has dimmed, he still thinks he has a shot of a graceful exit. Sorry buddy–why don’t you just wait until the next stop to get off?

5. The Baby Momma

It’s a shame we’re not talking about Amy Poehler. We’ve all seen this gem on the bus. Her kids take up 3 seats, and she can barely fit on the fourth seat. She doesn’t care if anyone hears her yelling her kids or yelling on the phone. And she has the audacity to glare at you when you look shocked after she hits her 5 year old upside the head.

6. The Outside Sitter

This person is frequently seen on both buses and trains. Probably raised as an only children, these are the people who don’t take the common courtesy to scoot in when they sit. Instead, they’re perfectly ok with making you uncomfortably ask them to scoot in. Not too mention, the cherry on the top? These people stand up so you can take the inside seat.

7. The Seat Twister
We’ve all come across the seat twister. Commonly one in the same as the outside sitter, this is the person who won’t stand up when you want to get off. Instead, they’ll throw their legs into the aisle so you can then step over them.

8. The Time Traveler

This is the person that is not always noticed on the train. It’s the old man (now I’m saying at least 80), and he’s completely dressed to the nines. Sports coat, brown pants, fedora—you name it, he’s wearing it. This is the man that’s riding the train as if there’s still a dining car. Normally seen between the hours of 10:00am and 3:30pm (non-commuting hours), if this man was a doctor, he’d be carrying around a medicine bag.

9. The Double Fare

Yup. We’ve all seen the Double Fare. The person that should have paid two fares–one for each half of them. They take up 1.5 seats, and make a half-assed effort to move over when you want to sit. This is also the person known as ‘A Lazy’—someone that will get on the bus at one stop, only to get off at another stop 2 or 3 blocks away.

10. The Doucher

This title fits a lot of people that ride the CTA. This is the guy that will sit in the handicapped spaces, not giving them up for anyone. He’s also the guy that talks way too loudly on the phone. And he’s the guy that’ll cut you off in line to get on the bus or train. What a douche.

We know you have more types of people you see on the CTA. Send them to us and we’ll publish a follow-up to this article.

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